Ink, especially as extensive as mine has become, invites curiosity. And I accept that when I go out with my tattoos uncovered people are going to ask questions; most tattooed individuals do. However, there is a difference between a sincere and thought-out question (or questions) at an appropriate time and a demand for information or an inane comment made so one can tell one's friends you "talked to the tattooed guy". The vast majority of the body art community enjoys discussing their bodymods and, if treated with respect, will do so gladly.

That said, I've prepared both of us a little time saver. After a while you get a feel for the questions people are going to ask, and just as often, are afraid to ask. I've prepared a list of those questions and the most honest answers I know how to give. In this, as in all things, I can only speak for myself. The mileage of other body mod enthusiast can, and usually does, vary.

Does It Hurt?

Short answer? Yes. Long answer, depends on the individual and the area being done. As a general rule, the closer you are to bone the more it will hurt, i.e. the spine, shin, elbow. However some areas are just nasty on principle, the underarm, the lower belly, or the crook of the arm being prime examples. The sensation, at least for me, is a lot like a cat scratch in the normal areas; more like a burning sensation in the nastier parts.

In answering this question, you have to be careful to address the unasked one as well. This generally runs along the lines of "Are you some sort of freak who gets off on pain and that's why you can endure this horrible experience I'm sure I'd never be able to handle?" Rest assured that I have no love of pain, and while I love being a tattooed person, I have no love of the process of tattooing. You do not have to be an S&M fanatic to be inked, you just need to have a fairly normal level of pain tolerance and learn a few discomfort handling techniques. Like many other things, it sounds worse than it is. Your body is resilient and just because you've never been in pain for any length of time before does not mean you will not handle it just fine. If it helps, just keep remembering that 16 year old mall rats are doing it now to be trendy, and if rich little children who have never stubbed a toe before can do it, you pretty much have to as a point of honor.

What Does It Mean?

I get this one a lot, probably because my ink is blackwork. The more abstract the design, the more people are convinced it must have some sort of great, higher meaning. My friend has an 8" Tweety-Bird with fangs on his thigh, no one ever asks him what it means.

I suspect that's for the best.

The first thing you need to understand is that you can have ink without meaning. Sometimes good design is just good design. In my case I tend to see my tats as a method of self expression, of laying claim to my body as my own. The world being as it is, there are few enough things I have control over, this is one of them. It also sets me apart from the mainstream a bit, my way of saying that there is more to me than the office I work in, the cultural mantras I am expected to conform to--well people have largely given up expecting, but there is still some sincere hope. This lack of predictability tends to upset some people; this, in turn, kind of amuses me. Sadistic, perhaps a little, but not malicious, so there you are.

The black tribal nature of my tattoo work calls back to older, more primitive ideals. Don't get me wrong, I love technology, but the rise of the information age has put an end to simple clarity in life. I'm not bitter, just perhaps a bit jaded. I like the way the lines move with my body, the art is part of a greater whole, not simply a picture on a canvas. The purity, however idealized, of such statements appeals to some baser aesthetic in me.

All of which boils down to that while the tattooing itself has great meaning for me, the individual lines of my work themselves really do not. They create meaning by what they are, not by what they specifically represent.

How Many Will You Get?

Will there be more? Well, a friend once said to me that there are three kinds of people. Those with no ink, those with one tattoo, and those working on their body suit. Suffice to say, I am comfortably in the third category. This also alludes to the "How many do you have?" question; please realize that once you get past a certain point, it's less of how many you have and more of when you are going to finish that one really large one.

Was Getting Your Genitals Done Horribly Painful?

There is something about tattooed genitalia that fascinates people beyond reason and sometimes good taste. Needing to drag large groups of people into the closest bathroom and flash them all my crotch is bad enough, but the fact that otherwise completely normal and reserved people will then grab your penis and yank it around like a video-game controller to get a better view is just plain unsettling.

Particularly when that someone is your friend's rather elderly mother.

However, the experience of getting my member inked was not as traumatic as often imagined. It hurt, yes, tattooing hurts. But it was not really that much more painful than "normal" areas, and was certainly less unpleasant than the spine or elbow crook. What it was was odd; normally tattooing is done on a fairly firm surface, muscle or near bone. That was not the case here, the best I've been able to describe the sensation is as if your penis were hollow and filled with Jello, and then someone started stirring it very quickly. Long story short, this probably shouldn't be your first tattoo.

How Do You Heal Them?

My personal system is to put Neosporin on it for the first three nights and Oil of Olay on every four hours or so for the first couple of weeks, gradually putting it on less often as the ink heals past the scab stage. Why Oil of Olay? Because it isn't greasy and will not leave a film that will trap bacteria and encourage infection. Wash every morning and every evening with anti-bacterial soap and you're done. This system has worked very well for me and I've tried more than a few. However there are as many healing regimes as there are people, never take anyone's word as gospel. Play around a bit and see what your body responds to.

Got one I didn't answer? Send me mail at webmaster@maelstromx.com and I'll see if I can help you out.